Wednesday, February 4, 2009


By Val
Wow! January 14th was the last blog entry, almost a month ago. Sad day. I guess we have been just so busy with school starting up again and all. Plus, I always think these blogs have to be these great epiphanies or these huge informational bulletins so I sometimes shy away from writing them. But honestly, when I read my friends blogs, I just like hearing where their heart is. What they're thinking and how they are doing. It warms my heart to hear about their lives. So here I go.

Oh San Diego, where do I start. I never thought I'd feel this empty home sick feeling. Me! The girl pulling at the bit at every turn. But yea, I really do miss everyone in AZ. It's crazy how much community there I really had. Especially since I had just gotten to the age where I was beginning to explore the beautiful gift of friendship God has given to me in my mom.

Anyways, so yea, it's tough finding friends, especially when we haven't been around most weekends. But I feel like I've always struggled making friends. I feel like it's never been easy. I still remember in 7th grade, I would come home devastated because I didn't know how to talk to the people in my class. My mom just said "smile, and ask how they're doing". That's it! But these simple words became "abracadabra" for me in opening the door to friendships. However, these friendships were shallow because I wasn't willing to put myself out there. If any of my friends asked ME how I was doing I would throw on my mask and become whoever they wanted me to be. Over the years God has taught me how to take off this mask, but I still realize what a long process takes to make these transparent friendships.

My friend Laura and I were "friends" since we were 6! But we never become true friends until we both started going through rough patches and began trusting each other with our junk. That wasn't until COLLEGE. That's like what? 12 Years? I totally hope it won't take me another 12 to learn that lesson here in San Diego. But it was worth it. I know that we will be friends until the end because we have walked with each other through all our junk.

Then is my whirlwind friend Loren. We went from outright hate for each other to BFF status in like 2ish years! Crazy! What was the difference? I think it's because she taught me how to really listen. How to not judge others, because it's only by God's grace that I'm not in their position. I think God also taught me alot about humilty in those years. Loren was so faithful though. So loyal and trustworthy. I thank God everyday for her, and what she taught me about friendship and what she continues to teach me.

Then there's my roomates, Becca, Alicia, Katy and Amber. God did a powerful work in me through them. Before that, I always considered myself a tom boy because my brothers were always my best friends. I just didn't think I could have alot of female friendships in my life. However, each one of these girls stripped me bare of these lies in their own ways and in God's perfect timing. I still remember to this day walking with Becca down campus one day from a bible study. And afterwards thinking..."wow! I really liked talking with this girl. You know, I think I actually like talking with other girls". Of course Alicia, Katy and Amber are not typical girls, yet I've loved them all the more because of that. They are so eccentric and individualistic. It's amazing just to be around them. They have taught me so much about life and just learning to be myself. I love them so much I can't even put into words!

Then there's those precious three girls that God put in my life at just the right time. Giving me hope and a passion for what I'm doing right now. Krystal, Maggie and Lauren our precious, precious gems. I have loved their friendship, insights, passions and honesty. I would not be the same person without them. All of them so so beautiful both insided and out. I'm just so sad that I'm not there as they continue to blossom into the women of God that He has called them to be.

Ah yes, and my heart friends. Sarah and Michelle. Even typing this..I just miss them so much. It's so beautiful to be able to share hard life stuff with someone who not only cares about you, but also looks out for you AND most importantly understands personally why this God stuff is so important. I love these ladies so much I tear up just writing about them. They showed me what true heart friends are. True heart friends are women who love God so much that they're love just spills out onto others. Thanks girls. I look foward to all that God has in store for us and our friendships even though they it looks much different now because of distance.

So, it's no wonder that it's hard for me to make friends. The bar is set so high already. But I know God will do it all in his timing. I just have to wait on Him and remember that he is far better then anything I know or ask for. Or as my new friend Jenelle shared, God asks us "Aren't I better then...." even if it's something as dear to me as a new heart friend. So yes Lord, you are far better then even friends.

Psalm 119:76
May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant.


dadhag said...

I remember how hard it was to make friends in AZ when I first moved here. I lived with Uncle Mike but still didn't have 'my own friends.
Anything of value though, takes work and effort.
You have the best foundation you can get in that you have Ryan and the Lord and a huge support group just a 'skype' call away!
God will bring the perfect friends for you. Just enjoy the ride!

Sarah said...

Sweet Val....thank you...and, I am praying for San Diego heart friends for you. God knows exactly what that means, and He will provide it, for He is the God who meets all of your needs...a promise. Press on.
love you friend