Saturday, July 26, 2008


So, we are moving. YEA! But not yet to San Diego. *SNIFF*

We are in this weird place called "Transition". What does that even mean? I guess it means that at ANYTIME God can give us the go ahead by giving us the 75% funds that will allow us to move to San Diego. That could mean tomorrow, August 1st, September 1st or even a YEAR from now. We don't know. What we do know is that we are in Arizona right now and 44% funded. We will be staying in temporary housing that Valerie's parents have so graciously offered. However, the present question is, how can we be productive followers of Christ during this unknown length of time called transition.

Is it fair to make new friendships when we know we won't be around very long to cultivate them? Do we engage in accountability with others when we know very soon the relationships will drastically change? Can we have the hard conversations with our friends, knowing that it may not go well and our friendship may not be on the best of terms when we leave? So many questions.

I'm a planner. When I was 6 I planned on always doing music. When I was 12 I planned on being a music teacher. When I was 15 I planned on going to ASU. When I was 20 I planned on teaching in the inner-city. But now...I have no plan. Not for the next month, or even longer. My plan is to go to SDSU. But what if that's not God's plan? And if it is, when doe He plan on us going?

I read in the Bible of different ladies in the Bible asking for a child. It goes on to say that God answered their prayers. Then I think to myself, when is he going to answer OUR prayers. But see, then I keep reading and I put two and two together. Yes, he answered them, but RARELY right away. So, God's plan may VERY well be for us to go to SDSU. Maybe just not right away.

So it brings me back to my point. How will Ryan and I live during this time of the unknown? Will we be patiently waiting for God, or anxiously waiting for God? Only time will tell. My prayer is that we learn what it means to make the most our time.

Eph 5:15
Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 16making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 17Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is."

If you remember, we hope that, that would be your prayer for us as well. That we would be patient, seeing this time as a gift from God and that we would be making the most of this opportunity.

As we are in this time of transition.

Saturday, July 5, 2008


Why is that the hardest person to be honest the person that knows you the best? Why do I always feel like hiding from the one person who is my protection? This process called fundraising is harder then I could have imagined. Yet, Every time I meet with God I put on this facade with him as if everything is ok. Why is it so difficult to tell him the truth? That I hurt. That I'm scared. That sometimes...I don't trust him. I CAN'T DO THIS ON MY OWN! yet I'm not suppose to. "with man things are impossible, but with God nothing is impossible." But so many times I don't believe that. Am I less of Christian? Sometimes I feel that if I'm honest with Him that's what I'll be...less of a Christian. Like I should have already learned this, and that trusting in Him should be a no brainer. It's like those classes your in all semester, and you kinda pay attention, and your teacher is so engaging, and the classwork is really helpful, and the material is easy....but the day before the realize you have NO idea what any of it means, yet your too embarrassed to ask for help because YOU SHOULD KNOW IT! I feel I should know this whole trust thing, but...I don't. God's shown me over and over reasons to trust him. Yet, I still don't get it.

So here I am.
Being honest.
I still don't get it.
But at least I don't have to hide anymore.
I'm broken.
and finally I realize...
that's the best place to be.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Faith and CUTCO knives

I feel that the title of this blog title is really very much what I and Valerie are experiencing this summer. The past month and a half have been very stretching for us in terms of our faith in God's provision and His making good on the promises that He has made! The reason for the title is that we are going back and forth with living out of faith that God WILL provide for His people all that they need, and feeling like we have to provide for ourselves because we don't always see His provision immediately.

There is a passage in scripture from Jeremiah 17: 5-8 "Thus says the Lord, 'cursed is the man who trusts in mankind and makes flesh his strength, and whose heart turns away from the Lord. For he will be like a brush in the desert and will not see when prosperity comes, but will live in stony wastes in the wilderness, a land of salt without inhabitant. Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD and whose trust is the Lord. For he will be like a tree planted by the water, that extends its roots by a stream and will not fear when the heat comes but its leaves will be green. And will not be anxious in the year of drought nor cease to yield fruit."

This passage of scripture has really encouraged me these last couple of weeks. There is an obvious comparison to the person who trusts in man, or I would be willing to wager oneself, and the person who trusts in the Lord. It seems pretty clear that God loves it and blesses it when His people trust in Him and Him alone, and do not trust in men. God has promised that those who trust in Him will flourish and have ALL of their needs met, even in drought and heat. Why is it so hard to believe that He will?

Valerie and I are facing our own drought and heat with fund-raising. There are specific and pressing needs that must be met now, and so the need for immediate money. But we also know that once we have reached our funding goal, those needs will surely be met. So, it is a struggle to not lose heart that God will provide, and to not go looking for a job that we think might provide better than God. Thus: CUTCO knives. Valerie and I have been looking for part time jobs until we are fully funded, and the best we could do so far was CUTCO knives, which is basically fund-raising only you are selling knives and make less money.

Why can't I believe that God will provide?! God is the God of the universe! He is the one who invented this thing we call money! He is the one from whom all things flow and have their being! He is totally sovereign over all creation including man! Even people who have "jobs", I am proud to say, have been given those jobs by God Himself and would not have the money they do if God had not given it to them! Money coming from an employer is no different from money from people because of fund-raising, because both of those sources come from God Himself!

Fund-raising is a blessing in disguise because we are surrounding ourselves with people who support us, love God, and can be a huge encouragement for us in the hard times! How lucky are we that God has called us to such a magnificent job that we get to meet and surround ourselves with people like that! Valerie and I have been drawn close together with trusting in the powerful provision of God and the faith-solidifying process called fund-raising!